Soulmate Relationships

Soulmates are people who have the relationship most of us dreamt of when we were young and innocent: loving and erotic, inspiring and safe and – best of all – lasting. However, soulmates are not a gift from heaven which some of us had the luck to receive while the majority has been left starving. Everybody who seriously wants to live in such a relationship can learn how to do that. There are four basic dynamics which are essential to create this wonderful relationship that most people dream of.

Commitment to love and to grow in love

Many people wrongly assume that their love would always flow beautifully if they would only meet the right person and that their more negative and selfish sides will only surface if their partner suddenly becomes difficult or boring.  The truth is that our love will only be as strong as our commitment to always regard the needs of our partner as important as our own.

Not more important and not less – just as important.

The law of an even deal

Unfortunately, a commitment to love alone – beautiful as it is – is not enough. There are a huge number of people who are very devoted to their partners and still their relationships are very unhappy because their love and dedication is not reciprocated. The law of an even deal says that all giving and taking in a relationship must roughly amount to an even deal if both partners are to feel satisfied. This really is common sense but many women still get the rough end when it comes to distributing the chores and family duties. Unconsciously they have allowed the law of an even deal to become uneven by being too submissive or too forgiving.

Many people do not like the thought of an even deal in a romantic relationship because it feels too calculating. However, after many years of working as a psychotherapist with people who have relationship problems I have to say: If we want a great relationship we can’t afford the law of an even deal to go out of balance from the very first moment when we meet a potential partner. This is particularly important for women who have a tendency to disregard the law of an even deal to their own disadvantage.

Harmonious and erotic patterns between female and male energies

Now we have love and equality but what about romance? Romance and erotic energy work best if a woman enjoys her femininity and a man enjoys his masculinity. Then both partners can start the romantic and erotic dance that is possible only if two people are delightfully different. The archetypal romantic gesture is when the male gives to the female and if the female receives gracefully. This is not an attack on the victories of feminism but simply appreciates what most people find romantically and erotically fulfilling.

The unavoidable merging-process between two people in a sexual relationship

Many people do not realise just how much two partners can hold each other back in their overall happiness. Being in a sexual relationship is like sitting in one emotional boat where you can only float or sink together. Unfortunately, it is the partner who is more unloving who will determine the overall atmosphere of a couple. This is due to the fact that negative emotions are more dominant than positive ones.

Soulmates have agreed to follow the advice of the happier and wiser partner (who is in this role may often change) so that the couple as a whole can develop in amazing leaps and starts and bring wonderful things to the world.

In my work as a counselor I have found that every problem in a relationship can be traced back to violating one of these four basic dynamics. On the other hand, if these areas of a relationship are positively in place both people will be very happy. For more information please have a look at my book Soulmate Relationships.

 

Transforming a relationship into a soulmate relationship

I have given many talks on the topic of soulmates and the first question people typically ask me is, ‘what is a soulmate?’ My answer is that soulmates are two people who are deeply in love with each other and are happy together on all levels – emotionally, spiritually, intellectually and sexually. But most importantly, soulmates are deeply committed to personal growth and support each other to reach this aim.

It is possible to transform your existing relationship into a soulmate relationship. The following case-study will show how to use higher-consciousness healing as explained in my book The Five-Minute Miracle to achieve this aim.

Kare (32 years) came to see me because she was very unhappy in the relationship with her husband. They argued almost every day, their sexual relationship was non-existent and they both considered divorce. When I took Kate’s case history she told me how her previous therapist had taught her to see the many ways she had been neglected by her parents. With tears in her eyes Kate reported that her father had never hugged her and that this was responsible for her current relationship problems. I explained to Kate that trying to make our parents responsible for our current problems is the fastest way to feel victimised and depressed while not solving anything at all.

I encouraged Kate to see her parents as well-meaning but fallible individuals just like herself. However, Kate remained doubtful. Then I talked to Kate about her husband and she said that he was generally a well-meaning man. Therefore, instead of going into the details of their squabbles I guided Kate into relaxation and helped her to receive a healing-symbol to overcome her resentments towards her husband. Kate received a red rose and I explained to her how she should visualise the rose in her heart and that the red-coloured light of the rose had a healing and loving quality that she should send to her husband.

When Kate came back after one week she told me that her relationship had improved but that she had had ‘arguments in her mind’ with me about the issue of not blaming her parents. However, she had known ‘deep in her heart’ that I was right. In that session I encouraged Kate to be more appreciative when her husband did something nice for her but also to insist that she had the same rights that he had.
Two weeks later Kate came back and told me that she hadn’t had a single argument with her husband since she had come to see me. This was an enormous improvement. Even better, she had been able to assert herself and had managed to negotiate a good compromise with him over their long-standing issue of her going out. What’s more, through practising her healing-symbol, a lot of love had arisen in her heart and she had fallen in love with him again and their sex-life had been rekindled. There was now a lot of good communication between the two and a willingness to work on problems rather than to argue about them. In other words, Kate’s difficult marriage had been transformed into a soulmate relationship. But did these improvements last?

I had the chance to speak to Kate a year later and she reported that all the improvements with her husband had remained stable and satisfying. Occasionally, when things had become difficult again she had returned to practising her healing-symbol which had quickly helped her to re-establish harmony.

Everybody can achieve similar healing in their relationships by following the simple self-help exercises outlined in Tara Springett’s books The Five-Minute Miracle and Soulmate Relationships.